The Turds

Top ten tips for looking after your Turd.

  1. Handle this Turd with care. Like any Turd, misuse will hurt its feelings.
  2. Some people... amazingly, find Turds offensive. Treat your Turd with more respect than these people.
  3. Do not flush away this Turd, it is not trained to come back.
  4. Do not place this Turd in direct sunlight, it will go crusty.
  5. Do not place this Turd near bleach, bog brushes or toilet paper, as the shock may cause it deep distress.
  6. Do not try to return this Turd to its place of birth... you will lose friends.
  7. Do not try to impress your friends and family with the fact that you have purchased a Turd, you may be sectioned to a mental institution.
  8. Attempts at copying your new Turd will only produce bum results. Remember, Turds are nurtured in the hands of highly trained experts.
  9. Please do not complain about your new purchase. We'd like to remind you that you've bought a pile of sh*t.
  10. Finally, do not take these tips seriously! It's all part of the infectious fun of the Turds, and if you did believe them... see a psychiatrist!